Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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