dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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