Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
