That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
