youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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