When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
