Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
i've created a new STD.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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