The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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