My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
