the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Is it because I queefed?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize