we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
