She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
