I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
