Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
