Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
