She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
