Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
