listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
