Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
