i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
