i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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