I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
