Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
