cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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