This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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