I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
