So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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