Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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