That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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