can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
