dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
