it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
