the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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