please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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