just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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