Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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