Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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