I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
