living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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