I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
