I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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