Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
