mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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