If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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