Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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