like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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