I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
