It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
All the doctor said was why
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
