i just wanna soil my oats bro
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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