My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
