Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
