i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
