I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
