lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
