Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
