why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
