There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize