I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
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