What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
