i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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