Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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