So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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