I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
