I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
My pussy is not your playground.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Randomize
