I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
