just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
My vagina is very pro this idea
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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