im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
