At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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