if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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