dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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