Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
