If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
