remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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