hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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