I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
