I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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