You're so nebulous sometimes
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
