I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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