Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
