Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
