She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
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