I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
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