I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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