I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
My vagina just recognized that song.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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