"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
