When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
