Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
