I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
