Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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