I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
