If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
