Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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