This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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