Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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