i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
