my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
