im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
