I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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