sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
