gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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