When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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