It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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