I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
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