First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
