Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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