i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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