We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
