that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
