Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
